232: Jon Ogden – When Mormons Doubt

I enjoyed this discussion. Sadly, the members and leadership DO NOT allow for the same attitude within the walls of the church house OR within the basic ideology to see beauty outside of LDS belief- Period. I have been struggling for over a year now and I am ready to leave the church that I have loved. I have raised and am still raising my 4 children in the church, but since as Bushman states ” the narrative is not true”, but the Red Chair Group (RCG) insists that we live and conduct our lives as though it is- it’s intolerable! How can I believe in these men who believe that the subjugation and basically enslavement of young women to Joseph Smith’s desire to “have them” per the JS and the Angel, or the revelation on children of gays when I was taught something completely at odds with that and do not believe that Christ would ever do such a thing to children!?
The temple is a “sacred place” !?!?! I had NO FREAKING IDEA that when I went there and was stuck in a session with my husband to be, my in-laws to be and my parents, that I was going to be committing to a belief in eternal polygamy if my husband wanted it OR that I’d have to slit my throat if I didn’t live up to the covenants made within 5 seconds of being allowed to ponder them!!! What a load of BS! Sorry for getting riled up- but then some man gets to say ” oh there’s so much good in the church”?? Really, tell me where? I know it’s there but there is undeniable pain and the complete inability of the RCG to put their big boy pants on and categorically DENOUNCE this stuff is why I am confident-now more than ever, that I will NOT raise my daughter to think that for the rest of her life she is in a religion that basically accepts church endorsed adultery by JS et al. That SHE may one day be in a polygamous marriage because WE DO BELIEVE IN POLYGAMY (see the Swedish Rescue) and furthermore she has to buy and wear underwear sanctioned by God I guess. Because otherwise baring her shoulders would be way too sexy for the men to be able to control themselves. So it’s up to us to wear the mormon burka, while awaiting the man to pull us I to the celestial kingdom. I do believe there are really great people in the churich. My in laws, my siblings in-law, my parents. All my siblings left the church long ago and I felt proud that I was SO faithful, now I feel like an idiot. But….I do have a wonderful kids who will NOT be pushed to remain in, but the narrative is not true. So where do we go from here? You either sit in church knowing the damage it can do (i.e. everything listed above AND rock in a hat, fanny alger, lying is okay of its “celestial” hooking up, joseph died as a martyr etc etc.). We all know the LONG list. So how does one stay when doing so makes you look like an apostate or a bad seed if you try to correct the record by being intellectually honest in a lesson? How??? Honesty will get you branded as a “problem”. Who needs that grief? I’d rather go spend my Sundays being uplifted elsewhere without the judgement and commune with God in a place that actually doesn’t try to get me to swallow the milk and hiding the meat, then try to make me feel like a bad person for having a problem with the meat once I’ve found it!
Whew! – sorry for the rant but if you have ANY advice that would be greatly appreciated because this woman is almost out the door with my family but determined that I will be happy!!