Episodes

Marriage On A Tightrope: 001: Allan & Kattie

Today we introduce a new podcast “Marriage On A Tightrope”.  Co-hosts Allan & Kattie, husband and wife, introduce themselves and introduce their podcast which focuses on navigating a mixed faith marriage.  With so many Mormons entering faith shifts, more and more helpful conversations around mixed faith marriages are needed and Marriage on a Tightrope is tackling this cause.

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20 thoughts on “Marriage On A Tightrope: 001: Allan & Kattie

  1. Just listened to your first episode this morning! I’m really excited for future episodes and my wife and I will be listening together!

  2. Great first podcast, very articulate, good sound quality and music. I look forward to many more.

  3. So, I just listened to your podcast, while sitting in the foyer during my priesthood meeting, while my good wife is teaching her RS class. I lost faith 15 years ago, and have spent 14 years faking belief so our kids could grow up in the church. They are now all temple married. I must confess that I wish my “helpmeet” could at some point respect my issues and travel this path of truth and either help me figure out the flaws in my thinking or join me in a new, more likely truth. I am starting to accept that this may never happen (after fifteen years of trying new ways to talk about things.). I would like you two to discuss this notion of “helpmeet” in the context of one spouse losing faith because of information. What would a true helpmeet do? I know what I would do if she had lost her faith. I would go through all of the information carefully with her and either help her understand or join her in the new paradigm. I confess that I have resentment that my wife refuses to do this for me. Other than this issue of truth related to church claims, our marriage is fantastic. But this is a central problem that will never go away.

    • Thank you for listening and your comment Paul. You’re much further on this journey than we are and I’m sure we could learn a lot from you.

      We will absolutely cover the concept of a helpmeet, and if being a true helpmeet includes the believing spouse giving a concerted effort to go through the information. It’s certainly an important and difficult topic.

      Allan

      • I also should mention that the thing that has kept me somewhat balanced is the notion of “the original marriage contract.” Since we both began as TBM, when one loses faith, he (or she) is bound to honor the original commitment and fake belief (which the culture demands)for as long as the other spouse remains committed. This original marriage contract concept is not popular, and there are elements of dysfunction about integrity etc. But for me, it is the one thing that has kept me “content” with the status quo. I would like to hear you discuss this concept as well.

        • Although I understand where this attitude comes from I still find it highly problematic, and that is coming from someone still attending church with my wife. My contract was with her, to love her and be her spouse. The church insinuates it is a threesome and that we are under contract with the church too. This is ludicrous. Everything contained within their temple “covenants” was done without full disclosure of what the covenant entailed beforehand, before making it, and the information they gave you was false. A full loving relationship should not require that either spouse play make believe so as not to hurt feelings.

  4. Thanks for your willingness to “put yourselves out there”. I too am in this same “boat” (or would that be me out of the boat and my wife still in? 🙂

    I am very much looking forward to the future episodes and I hope to be able to use them to talk a bit more with my wife as so far she just doesn’t want to talk at all about this. And I am not in an “angry ex-mo” frame of mind. I am OK and support her desire to stay 100% in, but I sense that she just thinks I royally screwed up and I just need to start believing.

    • That’s great to hear =) This is exactly what we’re hoping to encourage. A healthier, more communicative relationship for mixed faith couples.

      Thanks for listening

  5. You guys did a great job. I enjoyed the respect and interaction you both displayed. Looking forward to future episodes. I am in the same boat as you. I still attend but no longer believe any of the truth claims. My wife is very active. I have been dealing with this going on 6 or 7 years.

  6. Just listened and ditto the positive rating from the comments already posted. I am looking forward to all you can share…..We will be stretching along with you as you chronicle your journey. Thank you!

  7. Thanks… your podcast will speak to the hearts of many.

    Note for others: journeys will be different for everyone since there are no two journeys that are the same. It’s not fair to compare how one couple deals with issues and compare it with your own and expect similar outcomes, but where we can learn from your example of others to help deal with our own lives will be greatly beneficial.

    We are each running in different races and started at different times, quitting a race because others perform better should be out of the question. The important aspect is that we continually find ways to perform better no matter where we are at.

    Thanks for putting the time to do this.

    • Amen to this. We may need to make some sort of disclaimer about this on the show. We did explain we aren’t professionals of any sort, but want to share our journey. But we certainly wouldn’t want anyone to take action based on what we say without careful thought, prayer, and feeling that it is right for THEM.

  8. love this – plenty of couples need to hear how others have made the transition. will be listening!

  9. I envy the loving and open relationship you seem to have. My husband transitioned out of the church 2yesrs ago and it has been very rocky for us. His views on everything has changed marriage, politics, “entertainment”, word of wisdom and well me. It has been very lonely, scary and, sad. I see no positives from this. He says he is happier but at what cost? I know he is his own person and I try to honor his free will but, he is living it up while I am in pain and sadness!

    • Can’t be easy for you. Set the boundaries you need for a healthy relationship and compromise for the boundaries he needs as well. While no one likes rules and boundaries the purpose is to have the type of loving relationship you both need.

  10. Kattie and Allen, well done. You really have made this issue real and helpful. Planning to have my wife listen to this…with me.

  11. Allen and Kattie, thanks for sharing. I look forward to listening to more podcasts. I am in a similar position with a very believing spouse and me not so. I feel that our current relationship is good but we did have some hard times for awhile. We just accept the fact that we just don’t see things the same way. I look forward to hearing your perspective and how you handle baptisms, priesthood ordinations, etc… I find these events to be especially difficult as it would be expected that I would preform these ordinances but I must sit on the sideline instead.

  12. Dear Kattie,

    I have sincere questions: If your husband has been through the temple and now he doesn’t believe in the Mormon Church, do you believe he will live with you in the next life? Or is he a lost soul that you will go “down” and visit?

    Do you think it is shameful for him not to be able to bless, baptize your children, or attend the weddings of family members who marry in the temple? I don’t understand why you wouldn’t want to know what caused such a shift in his beliefs?

    Don’t you want to read what he has read so you can understand him? I like this quote: “If we have truth, [it] cannot be harmed by investigation. If we have not truth, it ought to be harmed.” J. Reuben Clark.

    Why are Mormons so afraid to learn and read things that are not correlated church materials? I am asking you these questions because my husband is a true believing Mormon and as much as he thinks he knows all the information, he doesn’t. He only goes to websites that validate his beliefs. It is so painful for me. Your marriage would be so much better if you truly understood him. Good luck.

  13. Really cool that you guys started podcasting together! I am the open non-believer but still active, attending, calling-holding supporting one. My wife and I are still together after 4 years “faith crisis/faith transition”. We get along really great 95% of the time. The other 5% is pretty rough. You guys are a great example of being loving, respectful and open towards each other and I have really enjoyed your first 4 podcasts. I’ve recommended them to my wife and hope she will listen too. Can’t wait to see what you guys talk about next. Thank you SO MUCH for doing this podcast. It’s important for everyone to see that mixed-faith marriages can work, and in some cases, can even strengthen marriages!

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