Episodes

Mormon Wellness Project: 018: Fresh Courage Take: Protecting Kids from Sexual Abuse

****This episode is meant for adult listeners. Please use your best judgment if you think this podcast may tigger re-tramatization. All cases described are in reference to real situations but care has been taken to disguise the identity of these persons.  In this episode Wendy heads back to the therapist chair to talk about her real life experiences working with young survivors of abuse. Bishops and other leaders may be the one person a child decides to disclose instances of sexual abuse to. But without training on how to pick up on the hints and clues that kids are giving them, many opportunities to save children from further trauma may be lost. We learn the 4 most important things about child disclosure, stages of victimization and what we can do as parents, families and citizens to protect our kids. Pedophilia is briefly discussed, but the emphasis here is on knowledge and awareness of the dynamics of abuse for the child and the family. The vast majority of sex abuse occurs with someone the child knows. Are they prepared? Are you prepared? Now is the time to take up our courage and be more pro-active in educating our own children and supporting changes that will move us closer to a world free of this evil.

1. Children who disclose sexual abuse often tell a trusted adult other than a parent. For this reason,   training for people who work with children is especially important.

2.Children may tell portions of what happened or pretend it happened to someone else to gauge adult reaction.

3. Children will often “shut down” and refuse to tell more if you respond emotionally or negatively.

4. Children will recant or minimize abuse out of fear and because of the way adults treat them. It is extremely rare for a child to initiate a false disclosure of sexual abuse. Children need to be believed.

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2 thoughts on “Mormon Wellness Project: 018: Fresh Courage Take: Protecting Kids from Sexual Abuse

  1. Wendy, thanks for a another excellent, enlightening podcast. I was already very familiar with these issues, but you shed more light on them and I appreciate that. Most people would never think of these things (and more that is related closely or loosely).

    Education for church leaders should be done outside of DV Coalitions educating them. This was done in the church before, with disastrous results due to very strong biases. DV Coalitions avoid truth like the plague, kinda like the church does sometimes too. This blind educating the blind was a disaster in the late 90’s and early 2000’s with DV and sex abuse education for church leaders.

    It is too common to concentrate on only or almost entirely on girls being molested, yet the effects of sex abuse on boys can be just as devastating (and other child abuses – with the DV coalitions’ ban from being identified and helped). Many are trying to bring truthful and full awareness to all of these abuse issues. But, truth keeps getting slapped back down along with truth’s advocates abused by the DV Coalitions, for their efforts at using truth to stop abuse. Truth would actually take a major bite out of abuse if it were only to be allowed rather than reviled by Revered Anointed Authorities (the A-word). Lies (fire) just makes the fires worse as we have observed, if we are not willfully blind to this (like the church too). Awaken!?

    We tend to dismiss abuse By women and by older girls, of both girls and boys as their victims. I’ve seen the horrid effects of this invisible-to-the-Authorities part of sex abuse on these boys and girls. All types of female predators are out there, plentifully, and given a free pass too often, due to PC agendas (hey, just like the church too). The church claims that girls, women and mothers are beyond reproach, pure as the driven snow (Oooo, a set-up for real problems…) elevated above men and boys (worhippable, to be unilaterally respected but not to have mutual respect for or with…) right at the same time as they subjugate women, as per the forged words of Paul’s latter written epistles in the Holy Bible which must not be questioned… Where has this type of forgery happened before or since, all the time, all around us still? Where should we start?

    Yet even too many counselors ignore and dismiss, as in the case of my daughters being molested by older girls, 2 only 1-3 years older using force, coercion and mal intent to billittle and put her in her place, and the other being a teen girl coaxing an 8 year old girl. My other daughter told me of being touched on her “privates” by her grandfather, then realized she should have not told me anything and acted scared that she had slipped, and simply went into silent “denial” (as commanded?) and I was attacked for seeking help (by counselors too) since her mom wanted to protect her dad who seems to have molested her too. Circling the waggons isn’t just a faithful LDS pioneer activity. The testing you talked about was the case with my ex wife (daughter’s mother) testing me to see if she could tell me more but knowing she was forbidden. If I would have known how to handle it it all earlier, things may have been at least a little different, till it came to the counselors trained to see fathers especially as evil.

    Then why not molester grandpa as evil? Father is the greater evil of grandpa vs father, to the DV Coalitions’ root agenda. This kind of clap trap is “Sacred Gospel Scripture, right in the Ensign,” over and over, where “fathers are generally evil and are committing most spouse and child abuse and causing most divorces.” They are quoting the Holy DV Coalitions, and nothing could be further from the truth, again. My ex and so many others protecting their mom and dad is paramount. In our case even so many years later, and with a fresh repetition case of child mollestation popping up which should have been dealt with but was forbidden because… of the Church’s and DV Coalitions’ comorbid agendas – gang rape of society; men, women and children.

    My current wife and I watch the same sick dance with her son’s wife who was molested by her dad who is still thought to be molesting and around kids all the time. The mom is of course the guardian of the secret which she allows and promotes. Yes, their are the retaliations, threats and the punishments for telling the truth… The subject must not be discussed and the kids Must be allowed around grandpa alone, all of which the “mom” has recanted now and it must not be discussed, ever again. To hell with our kids by all of them. The coalitions being the worst predators of them all? If there are any overt measures to protect the kids, and then mom or grandparents get wind of it, you will be punished or kicked out of the family. Obey! don’t question! “Normal” sick signs of something terribly wrong. But we see these same sick behaviors institutionalized too.

    Then, back to boys being molested by men or women. Neither is looked at as serious matters, But molestation by mom, aunt, female neighbor, babysitter, teacher is dismissed most of the time (“lucky boys!”). But the damage from all of these cases is just as serious from abuse by women, and it is very common, perhaps women molesting boys and girls as much as 1/3 to 1/2 as frequentl as men and boys doing the same. DV Coalitions minimize this for the same reasons churches minimize their myriad abuses.

    Then, on the other hand, we ignore the facts of verbal, emotional and physical abuse by women to men and children, which is more common By women than By men. Free pass again? Why? Double standard? Defy Jesus? Obey Authority? We vilify men and pretend women can’t abuse or that it is just less serious or plain doesn’t matter since males are less than cattle. Wait, I thought it was women who were treated like property? Not in your wildest dreams. see www dot realsexism dot com for some strater references. “Just say No” to double standards.

    This month is Child abuse Awareness month, but the awareness we are banned from being made Aware of is that women abuse dates, partners, spouses and children more than men do. “What? No way! Never!” I’ve had DV coalition members, educators, counselors, police and others admit to me in private that they will be punished and lose their jobs if they oppose this deadly, abusive propaganda being spread by the real gang-predators recruiting and training more gang-predators to enforce lies and double standards, all to “force goodness” and be our new saviors. Sound familiar?

    Our churches and society are messed up and those “trying to help stop abuse” are just as much or more culpable as the LDS church which I’ve seen in cahoots with each other at times too. Fighting abuse with lies and abuse is not making Anything better and never can. Awaken! That will never work, not from the church or from the DV coalitions which are hostile to men and fathers and give free passes to girls and women, against all honesty, ethics and Jesus.

    All these Double Standards (Zero real equality, which would be wonderful) just make things worse not better, right along with the accompanying lies they use to “help.” I have talked to counselors, educators, police and others who know these things and fear for their jobs if they speak truth which could help, but is forbidden. So, these “cultish” behaviors are not just a problem in churches. So, I “understand why” so many skirt the issues and “can’t speak out or take a stand” for truth, against abuses in so many ways by Authorities.

    It all comes down to the nature of “man” to see the other guys’ faults, cults, dogmas and to not see our own (“beams vs motes”). We (not just LDS) are so well trained to follow the Leader, the Authority in so many things, That Authority just gets taken over by religious or secular zealots and turned into “forced goodness to save us all” which turns into lies and hell on earth if we are not awake and constantly looking, seeking and updating truths and rejecting lies, abuse and their root purveyors.

    My good friend is trying to get his PhD in psychology, where truth is not popular, actually forbidden in many instances in the is very PC field. I’ve only observed about 5% of licensed “professionals” capable of not applying double standards in couples counselling. The honest students and practitioners agree here too, even many who are nevertheless bullied into applying PC double standards. My step nephew is working on his masters in psychology and family counselling. They both tell me that about 50% their programs are really good material, and the other 50 is dogmatic PC counterfeit agenda and harmful, damaging and abusive to the counselor and clients. If you see the truth (the emperor’s new clothes) or speak that truth, you can kiss your “education,” degree or career goodbye.

    How did we get here from there? The same ways we always have, the same patterns, blueprints of human nature to control others, be herd and be respected and to profit and gain, by hijacking and forcing goodness at the expense of others. That damned “war in heaven…” really does have a good moral to the story after all, whether it really happened or not, it has a great point and lesson to be learned.

    At the risk of sounding like a religious or secular zealot, and sounding really offensive from sharing truths: “By their fruits…,” and “the truth shall set you free.” Those doggoned “ravening Authorities in fine wool suits…!” I knew I should have just obeyed and not questioned Them.

  2. Interesting stuff to be aware about with no real easy solutions.
    It’s scary to be a bishop in this day and age.

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