My sentencing was this weekend – as reported in the Tribune and on the Exponent Blog.
First I must thank my tribe – my friends, family, and loved ones – who have stood by me, supported me and given me grace at this difficult time. I received 75 Character Letters (54 of which made it into the Defense Exhibits), countless emails/texts/Polos, dozens of attendees at court – and I could not feel more blessed by this love.
Second, I huge thank you to my gifted, committed, talented attorney, Paul. He has been with me every step of the way and given me courage – and did a bang up job in court.
I made mistakes. I have many consequences. I look forward to a better future. Below are the remarks I spoke to the judge. And below that are links to the Defense Documents and Exhibits – and a couple of journal entries that help to share a piece of my journey.
Sentencing Remarks – 2.22.2019
I have made terrible mistakes. I have made wrong choices.
Many people – my family and loved ones – have suffered because of my choices; and as you have heard today, specifically the women of Exponent. I was involved with Exponent for many years – and served on the board. The women of Exponent invited me into their homes and into their lives; they treated me like family. We shared meaningful experiences and I betrayed their trust. I took the money allotted to move their mission forward and to make their work meaningful.
I am so sorry. So very very sorry. I feel deep remorse for what I have done. I was shameless and entitled in my actions, and reckless in my behavior.
I recognize that Exponent’s business was harmed by my actions and by my dishonest behavior. I know that trust and lost opportunities can’t be replaced even after the money is restored. I have read every word of the victim impact statements and I understand the grievous effect of my crime. I particularly regret the way my deceitful actions have hurt the Exponent women on a personal level. I dishonored their sacrifice, their families, and their selfless contributions to a work they hold dear.
When I stole from Exponent, I went against the values I was raised with; values I still believe in: honesty, loyalty and trust. I ignored those values, that I knew were right. My actions and deceit have also hurt my family. And I am sincerely sorry for that hurt. They have struggled to understand why this happened.
Early on, after my confession to Exponent, I sought professional help. I came to better understand how someone who cares deeply about people, as I do, could act such a terrible way. I realized that, while only thinking of myself, I pushed aside thinking of the impact. I harmed others; people I cared about.
I feel deep shame for my selfish choices each day. I continue to wrestle with impact of my theft and great pain I caused. I know that making lifelong restitution to Exponent is my way forward.
Previously, when presented with the opportunity to steal the money, I chose the easy way. I wish I hadn’t. Today and going forward: I will choose a new way. I will be a better person than I was; an honest person; a trustworthy person. I will re-forge any relationships that can be repaired by demonstrating that I have changed.
I realize that apologies alone are not sufficient to make others whole. I wish I could change the heartache I have caused. I wish I could change the damage and the pain.
I was raised to believe in redemption and I still do. I feel deep remorse for the harm I have caused Exponent and the betrayal that is felt by my Exponent sisters. I deeply regret the hurt I have caused my family. I am so sorry that I allowed myself to step outside society’s moral boundaries and committed this crime.