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Marriage on a Tightrope: 042: Back to Church Part 5 (Allan and Kattie)

Allan heads back to church to see how it feels after an 8 month absence.  Kattie and Allan are joined by the kids for a conversation about how church went and we hear from each member of the Mount family.

This is the 5th in a series of episodes that will explore what it is like to attend church on Sunday as a non-believer and as a spouse of a non-believer.  Matt and Lindsay Kjar are also sharing their experiences with Lindsay going back to church.  Those episodes will be released separately.


4 thoughts on “Marriage on a Tightrope: 042: Back to Church Part 5 (Allan and Kattie)”

  1. Allan’s attitude about church rubs me totally the wrong way. It’s not done with the proper attitude and spirit. Allan will never enjoy church with that mindset.

    If you are choosing to go to church for four weeks, go with the mindset that you are there for God, for the community, for your family, and lastly for yourself.

    Going to a church settings allows you to grow socially as you deal with things that you both like and don’t like. Learning how to enjoy things we don’t like is important, but more important is to be able to raise your voice and express your perspective in a positive way that allows your point to get across effectively.

    Your experience of going back to church for four weeks straight should include going with the right attitude and being open to the possibility that you can enjoy it even if you don’t agree with it.

    You sort of sound like my daughter who refuses to eat her vegetables, and doesn’t give vegetables a chance even if they are good for you. If all you are going to do is go to church to spit it out when you come home… why even bother going in the first place?

    Church and religion is what we choose to make of it. Enjoy the myth, enjoy getting to know and be among other people. Enjoy Christmas celebration and all the decorations even if you don’t believe in Santa any more. It’s still a beautiful environment even if it isn’t true. Although truth is a verb and not a noun, we choose to make church True or False with the attitude that we have about it.

    If something isn’t true or you don’t agree with it, I would like to hear why and agree with higher logic and truth, and correct the false doctrine that is being taught. Let’s band together and stop the madness that sometimes gets repeated in church because none are brave enough to stand up and speak their inner truths.

    Truth is the church needs you more Allan than the Allan needs the church. Point of the matter is Allan, you don’t need the church anymore… but that much is clear. It’s the other way around, we need more Allan’s at church, but your spirit goes to waste with the attitude you take with you.

    Lastly, I want to apologize for the tone. I’m tempted to just erase it all and let it slide. Forgive me, if I’m too hurtful, or if I’m incapable of understanding your journey, or knowing how hard it must be for you. I don’t know everything that you go through, or how socially coercive it is for you to be there.

    If it’s that’s hurtful for you, don’t show up. The church can carry on without you. We will be worse off with your absence, but you have so much love to give that seeing you hold it back by showing up with a grumpy attitude just seems wrong to me. I’m sorry once again. I’ll post this knowing that I might regret writing what I have wrote. You can delete this post if you prefer.

  2. Hey David…did you listen to the episode? I was hoping to drive home the point that you’re making. The first two weeks back, I was EXTREMELY self centered. I think that’s a natural reaction to going back to a place that you’ve had a pretty bad break up with just a few months ago.

    Kattie helped me recognize my poor approach and attitude and this past Sunday I went back with the focus pointed on Kattie and helping her have a good experience.

    I oscillate between wanting to “speak my truth” and just letting those at church worship the way they want to worship. If I go and speak my truth, I seem to be reverting back to the poor attitude you’re telling me I shouldn’t have. I’m making it about me. I’d love for some of the unhealthy messages to be corrected and stopped, but the bulk of those in the pews don’t believe they’re unhealthy and don’t want them to stop.

    For now, we’ve decided that whatever we do on Sunday, we’ll do as a family. If it’s church, we’ll go as a family. If it’s something else, we’ll do it together.

    1. That’s fair. Thanks for letting a nobody chime in on your private affairs. I think showing up with your best spirit with full intention to be take home something of personal value home is all that is needed; but you set up the whole experience for failure when you show up with a negative mindset as the mere thought alone just makes you dread even being there… that doesn’t make any sense. Don’t go if that’s going to be the case.

      Please note that I understand that church isn’t for everyone. It’s amazing that you are showing up at church at all, but to go to church grudgingly does no one good at all. (Moroni 7:8-9) unless an internal switch can take place and find a place in your heart where it makes sense and you can find the experience enjoyable.

      Our job as members of the church is to make everyone feel welcomed and enjoy a positive atmosphere. It’s sad when we are incapable of seeing the error of our ways, but none of us are perfect. We all try, and we all need help noticing our own flaws but more importantly our virtues… of which you have tons of (virtues that is).

      BTW I did listen to the episode, it’s great that you are putting out this material where conversations like these take place all over. Sorry if I was triggered somewhat by the negativity. Cheers.

  3. Oh Kattie,
    It breaks my heart to hear you push your children in this church that is so hurtful to the soul.
    You are wasting your family time on a useless endeavor. IMHO
    Allan, I went back one time to see what I thought. I couldn’t leave my brain at the door either.
    I think there are good people in mormonism but I’ve found far more sincere and genuine people outside mormonism. It’s not their calling.
    I hope the Kattie Allan experiment will be awesome. I’m not fond of the term church. My journey has been in spirit and in truth.
    Allan, it’s wonderful to hear you won’t let your kids hear a talk that you think is wrong without talking to them.
    I’m in Utah County and understand the particulars of that. I love it here.
    You’re in my prayers. God bless.

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