Today Bill flies solo and discusses the mechanisms and process by which two parties in a shared social space relieve each other of the pain or trauma and the shame or guilt when one party disrupts another. Once we grasp how this process works and what is going on underneath, we are much more likely to show up in a way that allows for real accountability, safe space for processing, and an easier time releasing the discomfort or trauma
RESOURCES:
https://www.nature.com/articles/srep10639
https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/frobt.2018.00009/full
https://www.ijcai.org/Proceedings/13/Papers/036.pdf
https://bioneers.org/the-power-of-apology-eve-ensler-ze0z1912/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/darwins-subterranean-world/201403/the-history-im-sorry
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Bill, it’s obvious you come from a healthy place when you’re saying all of this. You’ve been validated, you belong, you fit in systems, and so you think that everyone listening to you is the same. What you don’t realize is that someone may be listening that has attempted to fit into these systems, so they are not alone, and want validation, have tried conforming, have tried being authentic, but at every turn are rejected and remain alone. But, as you say here, it’s probably just their perception, only perceived rejection. But yet, they remain alone. I wish I had never listened to this. But at the same time I needed to hear it, because you explained why I remain alone. The people in my systems are rejecting what causes them pain: me, regardless of how I try to conform or don’t conform.
I am really sorry. Any approach will likely miss the mark for some. I was attemtping to help us better meet each other in this space of pain and shame. I welcome better understanding you so that maybe I can reduce my blind spots a little.
Bill